I definitely have skills...

When it comes to picking the wrong checkout line, that is. Wow! It's uncanny how good I am at it. I'm in Sam's Club in the UC and scanning each line, you know, how much "stuff" is in everyone's carts, how old the person is (is that bad?), and I finally make my choice and make my move. (I'm trying to make this a quick in and out stop, first mistake eh?) It's like a chess game in my head and the line next to me makes a move and all of a sudden I'm thinking "crap! I picked the wrong line." So I make the jump. Bad idear. Just seconds after making the move, they open two more lines in the other direction from the way that I moved. People are just swarming to those newly opened lines, so I stay put thinking that this line will still be pretty quick, because the guy in front of me has two items and the lady in front of him is almost done. Dead wrong again! Said lady orders a (sing it with me) PRICE CHECK. For the love of all that's good and holy lady. I'm watching people that were behind me in other lines or that just barely got in line complete their purchasing process and start heading for the door. The blood pressure is rising. Now here's the tricky part. I'm thinking in my head, do I dare move again? Would that be socially unacceptable and completely OCD on my part? I know one move is fine, but two? So I stay put and am just itching in my own skin to move to the other line next to me. I really am thinking that if I move again, people will notice and be thinking "sheesh lady, calm down already!" Is that just insane or what? As all this is going through my head, the guy in front of me turns around and says "I should've warned you that it's dangerous to get behind me." To which I reply "well I do just fine on my own, so I guess we're both bad luck." So there we both sit, not daring to move to another line because sure enough as soon as we do, the computer breaks down in the line you just moved to. Morale of the story, don't ever assume that a trip to Sam's can be short. It's impossible.